Watching
by googleurname
Summary: The intensity of Eclare..from Julia's point of view.
1. Brown Eyes

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi

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I sat quietly in the passenger seat of Morty while Eli tapped the beat of the angry, screamo music blasting in the background. _I wondered what he would do if he could see me. _I thought. _Would he be ecstatic? Would he cry? Would he doubt his sanity? Would he even care at all?_

I looked out the window as my eyes studied the school before Eli and I. It was a nice, simple school. Degrassi Community School was it's name. Sure, it had a good reputation, but I knew that Eli would never get the satisfaction from this new school that he got from Pearson High School, because that was where he met me.

"_Everyone," Mrs. Forster, my old English teacher had said. Mrs. Forster was a blond, 30-something woman with brown glasses, and chubby arms. "This is our new student. Her name is Julia." She pointed to me, even though it was obvious that I was the new student because I was the only one standing in front of the whole class. "Julia, will you tell the class some things about yourself?" _

"_Um," I said awkwardly, staring down at my feet. I didn't know what to say. There really wasn't much to say. I was a simple, boring girl who hated attention. I could feel my ivory face picking up heat, and I knew that I must be sporting a crimson-like colour on my face. "No, thanks."_

_I could hear a few muffled giggles from people throughout the class, which caused my face to pick up even more heat and for me to start chewing on my lower lip. _

"_Um, okay." Mrs. Forster said questioningly. "You can sit down wherever there's an open seat for now."_

Shit_. I thought. I would have rather she had just assigned me a seat, for I didn't know anyone in the class yet and it would be awkward for me to pick a seat without knowing the person I was sitting next to. I lingered at the front of the room, my eyes scanning the class for open seats. There was an open seat between a blonde preppy girl chomping away on her gum hastily, and an odorous boy who I could smell from across the room. My eyes scanned some more. The next open seat I saw was in the very back of the room, next to an attractive boy with grown-out dark brown hair and heavy black clothing. There was a black marker in his right hand while his left hand was lying on the desk before him, and he started to color in his fingernails. _

"_Julia, what are you waiting for?" Mrs. Forster asked, looking at me like I had two heads. She might as well have just tied a knot in my throat right there. The students couldn't control their laughter anymore, and were open about it. The only person in the classroom not laughing was the boy colouring in his fingernails, who stared at his peers with a look of disgust. It took a lot of strength to keep the tears from rolling down my face at that moment._

_I moved my feet quickly towards the back of the room, and slid into the chair next to the boy. His individuality had already left me intrigued, and I stared at him while he continued to colour his fingernails._

"_Like what you see?" The boy whispered playfully, not looking up. _Shiiiiiiit.

"_Um," My knot in my throat caused my voice to crack on the syllable. "What?"_

"_It's okay," The boy assured. "I applaud you." Unique, yet puzzling._

"_For what?" I asked._

"_All these girls in here are too nervous around me. They are all too shy to sit next to me because they all secretly want me. You, on the other hand, are brave enough to make a move by sitting next to me. And for that, I applaud you, Jules." I smiled at this boy's humour, and at his new little nickname for me. I sat there, at a loss of what to say. _

"_My name's Eli." He said, giving me a heart-melting smirk._

"_Julia." I said before giving myself a face palm. He already knew that._

"Jules." _He corrected. And just like that, the knot was gone._

My memory was interrupted by a sudden crunch. I looked over at Eli and he had a surprised look on his face. He stopped the car, turned down the music a little, and exited. I got out as well and walked over to his side. There stood two girls.

One of them was dark skinned and had long, shiny black hair. She had big brown eyes and a lot of makeup, but it suited her. I took my time watching her face as she looked at Eli who was bending down and retrieving an object that he had run over. Her eyes studies him with a strange look, the kind of look most people give Eli. I giggled to myself.

The other girl was a little bit taller, but much paler. She had short, auburn ringlets that came down just below her chin. Her eyes stared excitedly at Eli, a look that I was very familiar with. It was the same look I had given Eli on my first day of school. She was wearing out-of-style clothes, but it made her look cute and innocent. _That poor girl_, I thought. _Eli will never go for her. She seems too innocent, too preppy. Eli goes for girls like me. Girls that can listen to Dead Hand and not want to cut their ears off. Girls who wear black nail polish and so many rings that they fill up all ten fingers. Girls like him._

"I think they're dead." Eli joked, handing the auburn-haired girl a pair of cracked glasses.

"It's okay. I, uh, I don't need them anymore." She said nervously, looking at her feet. "Got.. Laser surgery." Eli eyed her up and down, which made me uneasy.

"You have pretty eyes." Eli remarked. It felt as if those words started to pierce my heart. This was the first time Eli had flirted with another girl since my death. Eli always used to tell me that my eyes were pretty, even though I knew he was lying. My eyes were just plain, boring and brown. I never thought that brown eyes were pretty. But this girl, her eyes were gorgeous. They were a bright, baby-blue that sparkled each time Eli looked at her.

I knew this comment made her happy, even though she tried hard not to show it. "I'll, uh, see you around?"

"Guess you will." And with that, I followed the boy to whom I belonged to, even though I wasn't so sure he still belonged to me.

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Okay well that was a pretty sucky beginning. It will be better, I promise. Do you think I should continue doing the plots that happened in the show? Or should I make up my own. I have a few ideas, I'm just not sure which one I want to pick yet.

*Side note: I don't think brown eyes are ugly at all, I have brown eyes myself. Haha, didn't mean to offend anyone.

REVIEW PLEASE. IF YOU DON'T REVIEW I WON'T UPDATE.


	2. Girlfriend

I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I'LL UPDATE MORE FREQUENTLY! I PROMISE!

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Pottery Barn D:

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"Eli, hurry up!" Clare called, sitting on Eli's couch in front of his TV. An aged, black and white movie was playing in front of her. Clare turned her back to the television and retrieved a thick, red blanket from behind her, holding it in her arms.

_"She's at his house?"_ I asked myself_. "How much did I miss?" _I had spent a month watching over my father, his wife, and my step-brother. I wanted to see if my death had impacted the way my father lived his life a year after it happened. It hadn't. My step-mom had my dark bark blue, Dead Hand themed room transformed into a lilac-filled, yellow guest bedroom with the latest accessories from Pottery Barn. All that remained of me was a small, white garbage bag where she had thrown my favorite possessions in.

_"Charlie?" She called from the new and improved guest bedroom. "What should I do with the rest of Julia's things?" She stared down at the bag in her hand._

_"__Just leave them in th__e guest bedroom. I'll take care of them." _Take care of them? _I had thought. __Was this __some kind of chore_?

_My father walked upstairs and retrieved the white garbage bag. He carried it back downstairs and then walked to the closet, where he found a big brown box. He put my things in the box, taped it up, and scribbled something on it. _

"Clare," Eli said, leaving the kitchen and walking towards Clare with a bowl of popcorn in his hands. "I know how much you missed me but you really need to control yourself." Eli sat down on the couch next to Clare while Clare unfolded the blanket and laid it upon herself and Eli.

"You?" Clare joked. "I'm just here the popcorn." She picked up a piece of popcorn from the bowl and plopped it in her mouth.

"Fatty." Eli said, sticking out his tongue. Clare's face fell and she punched his arm playfully.

"_Ouch!" _Eli complained, rubbing his arm tenderly. Eli punched Clare's arm back.

"Eli," Clare warned. "You can't hit me because I'm a girl."

"You're a girl?" Eli said, a surprised look on his face. He then shrugged. "Who knew?"

Clare laughed and then pouted her lip. "You knew when you first decided that you wanted me to be your girlfriend."

Girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

_Girlfriend._

Eli and Clare's snaky comebacks were drowned out by the sound of that one, treacherous word ringing in my ears. My legs started to shake as if they were two thin branches barely hanging from a tree during an immense storm, struggling to hang on. I could feel a knot rising up in my throat and my eyes started to soak with tears. If my heart was beating, I swear it would have stopped right there.

Eli was the one person who I counted on to be there for me, even if I couldn't be there for him. It was as if he had completely forgotten about me, even though when we were together he said he never could. I needed to find a way to remind him of me. It was insane to think that Eli could have such strong feelings for this girl after only knowing her for a few months, and I remembered the time Eli had first declared me as his girlfriend.

"_I'm so hungry," I complained, sitting on the grass next to Eli in the front of Pearson High. I loved days like this; Fridays with Eli. The breeze was light and cool, blowing through our hair occasionally. The sun was bold and bright, a shining ball setting in the middle of a clear orange sky. School had ended at 2:15, about four hours ago and we had been talking ever since. I looked down at my legs, lying straight in front of me. I soon realized that the way they were lying made my fat spread out, so I quickly changed the position of my legs and prayed he hadn't noticed. _

"_Anorexia is bad, Jules." He joked, looking at my face and not the fat on my legs. Little did he know that his 'joke' was more serious than he had thought._

_I let out a short, awkward laugh, but didn't say anything. _

_His content face soon turned somewhat questioning, but his curiosity suddenly vanished and his face lit back up. _

"_It's okay! My __mom baked me sugar cookies!" He started digging through his book bag. _

_I laughed loudly. "Eli, you are beyond cool."_

"_I mean- I stole them.. __From a bakery-a__ manly bakery." He retrieved a little baggy filled with sugar cookies, opened it, and held one out in his hand for me._

_I eyed the cookie hungrily, longing to devour it straight from his hand. Then my mind flashed to my step-mom and her non-stop insults about my increasing weight. "No, thanks." I looked down uneasily, and started picking the grass._

"_Is there anything you want to tell me?" Eli asked, his green eyes staring intently into mine._

_"I hate my step-mom," I blurted out. "She calls me fat everyday so I avoid eating as much as possible." My eyes widened from my unexpected outburst and I quickly slapped my palm against my mouth. _

_Eli was quiet for a minute, the most silent I have ever seen him in his entire life. He looked forward into the sky before turning his head and looking into my eyes again. _

_"Jules," He began. "You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen."_

_I could feel my face pick up heat, and my heart started to beat like a hammer. I was at a loss of what to say, so Eli did the talking for me. _

_"You are going to be my girlfriend. And if you ever want to get away from your step-mom, you're going to sleep at my house. But if you don't want to sleep at my house, you're not going to. Just remember that I'm not going to pressure you to do anything."_

_My words were still lost, so I just nodded my head really quickly. He then leaned over and planted a soft, gentle kiss on my lips._

_Eli and I had sex that night._

My memory was interrupted by three knocks on Eli's front door. Eli slowly got up from the couch and stalked over to the door. A mail man was walking away from the door and to his car, leaving a big brown box behind. Eli read the words written on the box, his face full of confusion and shock. Eli picked up the box, walked over to the couch, and then opened it. There, laying inside the box was a small, white garbage bag.

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The more reviews the quicker I update! love you all xx


	3. Until the Day You Die

can i just say that I LOVE you guys? you guys are way more awesome with your reviews than i ever thought you would be! i love you all xoxo

diclaimer: i wonder what you guys would do if i actually DID own degrassi. it would probably just be eli making out with a new character (played by me ;] ) the whole time. hmm. anyway yeah i don't own degrassi. and that's probably a good thing for you guys.

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I could feel my eyes widen with excitement. _This is my chance, _I thought. _This will get Eli to finally remember me._

Eli looked at the bag in his hand with disbelief.

"What's that?" Clare asked, shifting on the couch.

"It's nothing," Eli said, his voice shaky. "But it's getting kind of late. Your parents might get mad if you don't go soon." I could tell he was just trying to get rid of her politely, and I could feel the corners of my lips beginning to travel upward.

"It doesn't seem like nothing." She stated, ignoring his silent yet obvious request to leave.

"It's just something for my mom," He lied. "But you really should leave so your parents don't get mad."

_He obviously wants you to leave. So go, _I mentally ordered Clare. Clare got up from the couch and walked next to Eli. She took the box and read the scribbled words written upon it. It had Eli's address, my old address, and the words "Julia's Stuff."

"Wow," Clare said. "Thanks for the lie. It's really pathetic that you can't get over your _dead _girlfriend, Eli." My mouth went dry. Even though I wasn't particularly fond of Clare, since she was Eli's new girlfriend her opinion of me did matter on some level. Those words stung. I looked down at my shoes, a tear slipping down my cheek.

She threw the box across the room and it hit the wall with a loud noise. Then, she stole the garbage bag from his hands and threw that in the same direction as the box, only this time it made a crashing sound, like glass breaking. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain from the core of my stomach. I winced, clutched my stomach, and continued to watch the scene played out before me like a movie.

"Leave." Eli demanded, gritting his teeth and pointing to the door. Clare wiped away a tear and stormed out of the house. Eli stood in that same spot for a minute, pointing and gritting his teeth like he was frozen. The pain in my stomach stopped. Eventually, he ran over to the box and garbage bag, cursing. He kneeled down picking up the bag.

"I'm sorry, Jules." He whispered to the garbage bag, as if it was me. I walked closer to him and sat on the ground beside him.

"It's okay." I said, looking into his eyes. I expected to be happy once I finally saw him acknowledging my existence, but this was a feeling I had never come across before. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him. I slowly inched my way closer to him, studying his sorrowful face as his eyes scanned the bag. Then, I reached my arms out and moved my chest closer to him, in an attempt to give him a hug. Instead my entire body just fell right through him, so I pulled myself away again. Another cheek fell from my eye as I watched him sit there continuing to study the bag, unaware that anything had happened.

Slowly, Eli opened the bag and reached his shaking hand inside of it. He pulled out a small, slightly cracked mirror with a purple handle. I remembered the countless nights I spent staring into that mirror, crying. Eli set the mirror down on the floor. I picked it up and looked into it, but saw nobody staring back. The fact that I spent so much of my time trying to perfect the figure I saw staring back at me in the mirror seemed ridiculous now; now, nobody but a transparent, invisible figure is staring back.

The next item Eli pulled out was definitely one of my most prized possessions; a Dead Hand concert shirt dated from April 18, 2009. Although that night was only a few days prior to my death, it didn't stop that night from being one of the best in my short life.

_"I've seen your pattern," The lead singer of Dead Hand, Matt, sang in his flawless voice. "and I can match it. Just trace the lines of your paisley jacket." The band stood on a platform about a two feet above the ground. Eli and I were in the front row, jumping up and down senselessly. They were so close to me I could practically feel the vibrations of their instruments. _

_Mine and Eli's voices were pained and sore to the point where they were probably bleeding down our throats. Never before had I sang in public except for this one night. The only insecurity I felt was the unwelcoming reminder that I had gained six pounds, and it went straight to my stomach. I put my hands over my stomach, embarrassed. After I heard Eli's singing voice booming in my ear, the thought was pushed aside. It was so hilariously atrocious that I laughed so hard I began to cry._

_Then, Matt stopped singing and ran to the back of the stage, picking up a black t-shirt with their band name on it. He ran back to the front of the stage and jumped off, landing directly in front of me. The people around me roared with excitement and crowded around Eli, Matt and I. Matt's grey eyes locked on mine and he flashed me a big smile._

_"What's your name?" He asked me loudly. I could practically feel the inner fan boy in Eli ready to burst out of his shell. _

_I opened my mouth ready to speak, but again no words came out. By this point in my life, you would have thought I would have realized by then that I can't talk during exciting situations in which communication is needed the most. I felt the self-loathe boil deep down in my chest, and right before I was about to die of humiliation, Eli cleared his throat before speaking up._

_"Her name's Julia. Mine is Eli." He yelled, nearly saving my life. I looked over at my boyfriend and flashed him a huge smile of appreciation, while Matt took out a marker from his pocket and began to write on the shirt. He handed the shirt to me, before winking at Eli and I. I heard a bunch of voices around me saying things like "I want a t-shirt too," and "Over here, Matt!" However, he only handed out one t-shirt and it was to me. Out of all of the hundreds of people at that concert, Dead Hand decided to give me a signed t-shirt._

_I looked at the shirt and read, "Julia, we hope you and Eli stay strong and keep rocking out to us until the day you die. WE LOVE YOU. Love Matt and the rest of Dead Hand." Tears of happiness rolled down my face. It was absolutely perfect._

_I looked over at Eli once again who was grinning from ear to ear. _

_"We're there." He said. It was as if his grin was contagious, for I too began to sport a goofy-wide toothed grin._

_He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me passionately. I could feel his smile through our kiss and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered around rapidly. It was more than absolutely perfect._

I flashed back to reality when I saw Eli, trembling. He was holding a book that he had retrieved from my bag. A few tears slipped down his cheeks before he dropped the book, wrapped his arms around his legs and began to sob. I had never seen my true love so upset in his entire life.

I looked down at the book that he had dropped beside him. It was a particularly thick book that I had been studying for about four months every night. It was entitled Pregnancy: What to Expect When You're Expecting.

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hope you guys enjoyed! did you guys guess ahead of time that julia was pregnant? what do you think about her being pregnant? love it or hate it? anywayyy review please! even if you don't like it so i'll know how to improve the story :)


	4. In the Past

**Disclaimer: did you read chapters 1-3? yeah, i didn't own degrassi then, and that didn't change.**

i kind of like this chapter. it's the longest chapter yet (to make up for the wait i gave you all) so yay. i'm sick tonight so i can't go anywhere so i'll most likely finish most of chapter 5 tonight so chapter 5 will be uploaded soon! i know everything that's going to happen. :). oh and i felt really bad about making clare so OOC in previous chapters, so tell me if you think this chapter has all of the characters.. well.. in character. haha. enjoy and please keep reviewing!

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Eli walked in the doors of Degrassi, an unwelcoming grimace painted upon his face. He slammed the door shut behind him, almost smacking a Grade 9 in the face. There were deep, maroon bags under his jade green eyes, suggesting that he hadn't slept in years. His hair was unusually wavy and sticking out in numerous directions.

A tall, brunette boy approached Eli. He was wearing a grey, hooded sweatshirt and baggy, dark jeans. His skin was a light tone. His chocolate brown eyes had a mischievous gleam in them, yet the left one had a dark, purple bruise around it. I wondered where the bruise my have been from. After just watching this boy for a second, my stomach starting burning like a wildfire. I looked down sadly at the bump in my stomach, clutching it softly while continuing to watch Eli and this boy. At the sight of this boy, Eli rolled his eyes and began walking in a different direction. The boy laughed at this, and jogged after him.

"Aw is Emo Boy having a bad hair day?" The brunette boy teased.

Eli turned around to face his classmate. "Fitz, I'd appreciate it if you would just shut the fuck up for once," Eli said, turning around again to walk away.

The boy named Fitz pushed Eli's back, causing Eli to fall over. I know realized the bruise was from a fight, since he seemed like the type to get in fights. "What did you just say to me, little goth fag?"

Eli stayed there, lying on the ground for a few seconds before returning to his feet slowly. A threatening smile came across his face as he looked up to the taller boy as if he was a bug who he could squash easily. "I said, fight me. On the roof. Lunch hour." Eli raised an eyebrow, suggesting that he thought Fitz would be too afraid.

"Your funeral," Fitz shrugged and walked away.

Eli stood there, grinning like a complete idiot. Fitz was very tall and had a heavy build to him. He was extremely muscular, yet somehow surprisingly attractive in a rugged sort of way. _Was he seriously going to fight Fitz?_

Instead of following around Eli all day, I decided to accompany Fitz while he went on with his day. As I followed him around school, I came to the conclusion that Fitz was nothing more than I expected him to be; a disorganized, unintelligent jerk. While watching him, the burning in my stomach continued to flame. He did the normal of what a typical high school bully did on a daily basis. That consisted of talking back to teachers, eating, and well-bullying.

However, I found it peculiar of his craving for attention. He constantly started fights with teachers-unnecessary fights at that. He not only started them, he continued to keep them going even after the disagreements had clearly ended.

"Mr. Fitzgerald," Ms. Dawes said, gazing at her clipboard which contained a sheet of paper that tallied each students' homework points. "Your homework average is at an all time low. You really need to start completing your assignments."

"I did it, but I forgot it at home." Fitz said.

"Mr. Fitzgerald, please don't lie to me." Ms. Dawes said, disappointedly.

"What makes you so sure I am lying?" Fitz asked defensively.

The English teacher sighed. "If this was the first time you claimed that you left it at your house, I would believe you. However, you continue to tell the same lie each day. If you really were the devoted student you say that you are, your plunging average would concern you. But, it's clear that it has no effect on you. And besides, you are bound to remember your English homework at least one day."

By now I knew that his teacher had one and he should have just given up, for it was obvious to everyone that she had hit the nail right on the head.

"Bitch." Fitz said, as if he was challenging her.

Instead of yelling him or writing him a detention slip as I expected her to do, instead she just sighed again and walked back to her desk. The bell rang, signaling that the class was over. Students abandoned their desks in a hurry to socialize by their lockers.

"Mr. Fitzgerald, would you please come to my desk?" She asked, not looking up from her papers.

Fitz walked slowly to her desk, standing there and not saying anything for a few seconds. She continued to read the paper in front of her carefully, while Fitz rolled his eyes.

"You know, I hate it when you call me Mr. Fitzgerald." He said. She looked up from her papers at him with a tired face.

"And I hate it when you call me a bitch." She said. Touché. Fitz stood there awkwardly again for a few seconds, waiting for her to break the silence.

"Is there a reason you've been acting out in class this year? Last year you were such a nice, good student. What happened?" She finally asked. I was surprised. Fitz? A good student? I had known of him for roughly a school day, yet the thought of him being _good_ was mind blowing.

"Haven't you heard?" Fitz asked. "I'm maniac."

"Bringing a knife to a school dance doesn't make you a maniac, Mr. Fitzgerald. Using it does. But you didn't use it, did you?" Ms. Dawes said. He had brought a _knife _to a school dance?

"No," Fitz said through his teeth. "But I might as well have." He blinked back a tear. Ms. Dawes sat up from her chair.

"What do you mean?" She asked, worriedly.

"You don't know me. You don't know what I've done." He turned away quickly and rushed out the door, heading straight to the boys restroom before finally releasing one, small tear. He wiped it away quickly before anyone could barge in and see it. Fitz was a bully. And bullies don't cry.

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Eli stared at the board behind the teacher in front of him. He stared so hard I thought that his eyes would burn a hole right through it. His mood had clearly not changed since this morning. He was simply a mess. If anyone knows Eli the best, it's me. And I knew Clare was the cause of his emotional instability. I knew he didn't hate her. He _longed_ for her.

Eli's phone buzzed in his pocket, and when his teacher turned his back to the class to write on the board, he flipped it open and read the text.

**Ask your teacher to go to the nurse and meet me by the JT Yorke Memorial. ~Clare**

I saw his lifeless eyes open widely. He shut his phone and raised his hand.

"Mr. Armstrong, I'm not feeling well. May I go to the nurse please?" The teacher nodded and pointed to the door. Eli got up smoothly and walked to it slowly while clutching his stomach, acting as if he was sick. After exiting the door, he sprinted towards the JT Yorke Memorial and sat on the bench beside it.

I looked at the picture of JT. He was an attractive boy with features very similar to Eli's. I felt a pang of jealousy towards JT. His entire school had obviously appreciated him, for he had his own memorial. The people at Pearson High School definitely felt badly when I died, but it was obvious that they hadn't really cared. They made no special memorial for me.

I heard a friendly voice behind me say, "Hi there." The voice belonged to a male, so it was definitely not Clare's. Eli didn't look up and acted as if he didn't heard the voice. I turned around to see who it was.

I was definitely surprised of who I saw as soon as I turned around. There stood a slightly transparent JT. He was wearing a white sleeved shirt, light jeans, and a goofy grin on his face. This was finally my chance to speak to somebody else.

I opened my mouth ready to say something, but the words didn't come out. I let out a small giggle remembering the days in my life when this unwanted trait often occurred.

"You alright there?" JT asked in that same friendly voice, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I managed to choke out. "I've just never seen another…" My voice trailed off as I tried to think of the word that described what I was now.

"Ghost?" He finished for me.

"Yeah." I looked down at my fingers which were fiddling with each other.

"Well, it's not totally common around here," He said. "The only other ghost I've ever seen is this wacko named Rick." He shuddered. "Not so fun talking to him."

"Why aren't you invisible?" I asked.

"Why aren't_ you _invisible?"

"I am," I said.

"No," JT began explaining. "Ghosts can't see themselves. They can see other ghosts though."

Suddenly, I heard footsteps approaching. There stood a timid Clare with an extremely apologetic look on her face. Her usually curly hair was wavy and out of place, and she had no make-up on her face. She began to talk.

"Eli," She said. "I am so, so sorry about all those things I said about Julia." Eli got up from the bench and walked over to her.

"Let's just keep things in the past," He said, only inches away from Clare. "In the past." He cupped his hands around her face and pulled her in slowly, kissing her passionately. I winced. _Does that mean he wants to keep me in the past?_

"Ex-boyfriend?" JT asked me suddenly. I jumped a little. I had forgotten he was there.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"The look on your face says it all." He noticed sadly. He began digging around in the pocket of his jeans before taking out his wallet. He retrieved a picture and handed it to me. "This is Liberty. I loved her all my life and didn't even know it. As soon as I realized it, I got murdered. I lost my chance. She was even the mother of my baby."

I looked at the picture. Liberty had long, straight brown hair and dark skin. Her lips were big, as were her gorgeous hazel eyes which were hidden underneath a pair of dark glasses. She was wearing a blue Degrassi t-shirt with jean shorts, next to a joyous JT who had his arm around her. They were both smiling ear to ear and were obviously content to the highest level.

"I'm sorry." I said, handing back the picture.

"It's fine," He said, studying it again before putting it back into his wallet. He obviously loved Liberty very much. "Everything happens for a reason." He flashed me a large smile.

We stood there for a moment. I decided to break the silence. "That's Eli," I said, pointing to Eli who was now fully making out with a blissful Clare. "He was my boyfriend, my only friend, and the father of my unborn baby." I was now holding back tears.

JT looked at my stomach, his eyes widening. "I am so sorry." He said, walking closer to me.

Then, it happened. JT gave me the only physical contact I had received in years. He put both his arms around my waist, and held me close. I put my arms around his shoulders, while he continued to give me a friendly hug. He was _hugging_ me. Suddenly, my stone cold body got filled with warmth. The only word I could ever use to describe hugging someone as a ghost was _amazing_.

JT released his arms from my sides, still looking at me sadly.

"Thank you, JT." I said.

"Anytime, mysterious ghost who's name I don't know." He smiled at me again.

I laughed for the first time in a very, very long time. "I'm Julia." I said.

* * *

Clare walked through the entrance of the cafeteria and sat down at a table, ready to be accompanied by her boyfriend. As she waited, she looked around. There was not a soul to be seen in the cafeteria besides her own.

"Where is everybody?" She wondered aloud. She got up from the table and walked back out into the hall aimlessly, before seeing some tall boy with long, light brown hair running to the back door of Degrassi.

"KC," She called after the boy. He stopped and looked at her. "Where is everybody?" She asked.

"On the roof," The boy said excitedly. "There's a fight going on!" He exclaimed before pulling open the door and running out of it. Clare's mouth dropped open and she began to run after the boy. The two climbed a ladder leaned up against the side of the school hastily. I followed them.

On the top of the school, stood about 30 people crowded together, screaming. Clare had a horrified expression on her face as she pushed through many students in an effort to get to the source of all the fighting. She knew as well as I did that the two opponents were Fitz and Eli.

As soon as Clare and I made it to the front of the crowd, her suspicious were confirmed. There was Eli, being beaten senselessly by Fitz. Fitz punched him once. Fitz punched him twice. Fitz punched him four times more until Eli began to bleed all over the place.

"FITZ," Clare yelled desperately. "STOP!" Fitz looked up from Eli for a second to see who was calling his name. In this one second, Eli quickly got up and punched Fitz in the face. Hard. The pale bully took a step back, holding his face in his hands, before he tripped and fell off the roof of the school.

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	5. Feelings

**WARNING: this is kind of a filler! hope you don't mind! (the story will only have a few more chapters)**

**Disclaimer: Degrassi? Yeah, I don't own it. I don't really own anything.**

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I stood awkwardly in the corner of the bare hospital room and watched Fitz as his monitor continued to beep. I couldn't help but close my eyes when I saw his mother walk in the room and burst out in tears. The pain in her eyes was heartbreaking; there is no love stronger than the mother's love of her son. And now, her son was broken. His fall from the roof was like a mustard stain on a beautiful white blouse. The blouse would have to be scrubbed and worked on immediately, or else the blouse could never be worn again. If Fitz was not immediately worked on like the blouse, he would not survive.

"What the hell?" I suddenly heard. I opened my eyes.

Fitz's spirit was standing right beside his body. His eyes were a mixture of confusion, fright, and anger as they stared at his body and the monitor beeping besides him. His eyes traveled from his body, to his mother, and finally, to me.

"Who are you? What happened to me? Mom, stop crying! I'M RIGHT HERE!" He yelled. His mother continued crying, unaware of his command. I ran over to him and placed my hands on his shoulders.

"Fitz, it's okay. Calm down." I said in a soothing voice, hoping he would follow my instructions. My stomach began burning again, but I ignored the feeling in a desperate attempt to keep Fitz calm. His breathing slowed down a little.

"My name is Julia," I said to him. "I'm a ghost."

Fitz smiled. "Great. I fell. Now I'm crazy."

"Fitz," I said. "You're not crazy. This is real." I assured him.

"If you're dead," He began. "Then am I.. dead too?" His eyebrows furred together and his eyes scanned my face for a definite answer.

"Actually," I began, unsurely. "I don't know. I mean, you're here, but your heart monitor is still going." I said, pointing to it.

A blonde, 30-something doctor with braces emerged from door. "Ms. Fitzgerald?" She asked, comfortingly.

Fitz's mom replied with a muffled, thick, "Yes?" that somehow managed to escape her sobbing throat.

"Would you like to heard the good news or the bad news first?" The doctor asked, obviously uncomfortable. It was clear that she was heartbroken and didn't want to be in this situation.

"I don't care," Fitz's mom said, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her coat. It was amazing how much she looked like her son. She was tall, like him, with the same pale skin, brown hair, and chocolate brown eyes.

Fitz stared at the women in front of him, terrified of the words that the doctor would say next.

"Your son's fall was pretty drastic. He broke his wrist, a bone in his skull, and there was some bleeding found in his brain," She began. "He's in a coma right now, and this could possibly be fatal. Only time will tell, but there is half a chance he will make it."

Ms. Fitzgerald started sobbing even louder, while the blonde doctor left the room. The mixed emotions locked in Fitz's eyes only intensified. He walked over to the wall, forming his hand in a fist in an attempt to punch the wall. His fist went straight through.

"Fuck!" He yelled, placing his back against the wall and sliding to the ground. I sat down beside him with a loss for words and decided to place my hand upon his shoulder. I honestly felt terribly for his poor, unfortunate soul. I had the hidden luxury of finding out my fate as soon as possible, for I had died instantly. However, he had to wait in order to understand if he would be dead or not. I cannot possibly image reliving the night of April 22, 2009 with having an intensified wait before I found out if my baby and I were actually going to die.

"Whatever," Fitz said. "I deserve this." His eyes filled with tears, and I could tell he was avoiding blinking in order to prevent them from falling down his face.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

"I'm a bad person." Fitz said. "Or at least was a bad person." He stared directly in front of him.

"No," I began. "I've seen you when you were alive and you seemed completely normal. A normal, teenage boy with feelings."

Fitz turned his head to look at me. "How? Do you stalk me or something?"

I blushed. "Well, there isn't really much else for ghosts to do besides watch people that are alive." I admitted.

"Great," Fitz said. "So we're fucking doomed for the rest of eternity?" His eyes traveled to his mother's blotchy, tear-stained face and his face twisted up in sorrow.

I stayed silent, unaware no longer of how to cheer him up. What could I say? He was somewhat right, of course. However, I always assumed that when Eli died things would be different; better. Now, as I watched Eli and Clare spend more and more time with each other, my the shining ray of hope that Eli and I would spend the rest of eternity together was transformed into a flickering candle flame.

Fitz stood up again and walked out the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked, standing up and following him. He didn't answer, and continued to walk. He walked down four flights of stairs before he approached the waiting room.

There were a total of eight people in the waiting room, but Fitz's eyes were only locked on two of the people. Eli and Clare.

They were both sitting down next to each other, silent and obviously in deep, deep thought. They looked like complete messes. Eli's entire body was covered head to toe in small, brown bandages. His left eye was completely purple. Clare, on the other hand, also looked sick. She was not physically injured, but she looked mentally distraught. Although I still felt feelings of resentment toward Clare, I was now beginning to feel sorry for her.

"I can't believe it," Eli said, holding back tears. "I can't believe I might have murdered Fitz."

Clare's eyes began to water, and she started to sob, releasing the tears from her eyes. If it was possible, Eli's expression turned even more sorrowful and he placed his arms around Clare, wrapping her into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry," Eli said. "You don't deserve any of this, Clare." Clare hugged back, squeezing Eli as tightly as possible.

"It was an accident," She said through her sobs. "You didn't mean to kill him."

"I know," Eli said, releasing Clare from his hold and placing his hands in hers while staring into her light, crystal blue eyes. "Just remember that whatever happens, I love you and I will never stop loving you." A tear slipped down Eli's cheek and he gave Clare a kiss.

"I feel bad for him," Fitz said finally. I of course also felt bad for him, but I couldn't understand why Fitz did. They were enemies and Eli possibly could have killed him.

"Why?" I asked simply.

"He has to live with the fact that he might have killed someone," Fitz said. "That must be the worst feeling in the world."

I silently agreed with him. After a while, I longed to know more about Fitz. I wanted to know his secrets. I wanted to know his fears. I wanted to know him and to open up to him myself. I was finally ready and able to unleash my deepest feelings to another human being.

"Fitz, why do you think you deserve to die?" I asked , hoping that he wouldn't somehow get angry and stop talking to me.

"I've just," He began before pausing, his voice getting more quiet. "Done some bad things in my life."

I knew that I had asked this too abruptly, and things would probably get increasingly awkward now.

"I'm sorry," I said. "It's just been awhile since I've ever really opened up to anybody." I stared down uneasily at my feet as if they had the answer for the complicated, awkward problem I had just created.

"I understand," Fitz said, clearing his throat. "And I'm willing to have this conversation with you, you know, if you want." He, too, was now staring at his feet.

I started to beam before I sat down and began to listen to the tale of the troubled life of Mark Fitzgerald.

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the more reviews I get the faster I update! xoxo. love you all!


	6. Regrets

i kind of like the way this chapter turned out. let me know what you think. probably one more chapter..maybe two. who knows!

disclaimer: i don't own degrassi. OMG, right?

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"Wait," Fitz said, causing my curiosity to be stunned to a halt. "If you've been watching me, then don't you think I should know something about you then?"

"I guess so," I admitted, my voice shaking. "But there's not really much to tell."

Fitz sat there for a second, his mind pondering the possibilities. "Well, I guess you could tell me some things about yourself when you were alive. Or how you died or something." He suggested.

My eyes locked to the ground while I poked the side of my mouth with my tongue. These two things were particularly touchy subjects for me to talk about with a complete stranger.

"Well," I began. "When-" Then, I suddenly began to choke on my own words, unable to cough them out.

Fitz gave me a peculiar look as if I had three heads. "Or not?" He said. I blushed and my mind traveled back to the night I died.

_"Eli," I said attempting to hold back tears while stroking my stomach tenderly. My baby bump was seemingly growing by the day, and was now slightly noticeable. "We can not give this baby up for adoption."_

_His face reddened into a confused rage. "Julia, what the fuck are you talking about? You're barely fifteen. I know you're not ready to be a mom, and I'm certainly nowhere near ready to be a father." He gripped the steering wheel of the parked hearse tightly. We both stared out of the front window, watching the rain shower down furiously against the pavement._

_"But Eli," I protested. "I already am a mother. And you're already a father too. You just don't understand that yet."_

_Eli turned his head to shoot a repulsed look at me. "As much as I wish we could, we can't afford this baby. So we are going to give it to someone who can." He stated as if the decision was final._

_My hands retreated from my stomach and turned into two tightly clenched fists. The tears in my eyes dried, causing my eyes to transform into two, bone-chilling daggers. I stared Eli straight in the face, and I could tell from his facial expression that he was somewhat frightened. This newfound reaction to my new persona excited me, so I took it to the next level and made the worst mistake of my life; I got out of the car._

_The second the bottom of my converse shoe hit the cold, wet pavement, I knew that I shouldn't have been there. The wind slapped my face violently and the wind wrestled with my hair fiercely. It was the night of April 22, and a cold night it was. I was at a bold state of discomfort, and my subconscious was constantly saying, "Get back in the car, Julia!"_

_However, I blatantly ignored the voice and looked back in the car. Eli was rapidly motioning me to get back in the car. I decided to ignore him as well, holding my arms across my chest in an attempt to gain warmth. I knew that there would be absolutely no way for me to make it back home on foot in this weather. My eyes scanned the empty parking lot quickly in a desperate attempt for some form of transportation. A smile approached my face when I soon discovered a blue, abandoned bicycle leaned up against the building of the parking lot. I looked around for the possible owner. There was no one in sight. I quickly sprinted to the bicycle, sitting upon it and shivering. I began to pedal, which only intensified the coldness of my temperature. As I rode out of the parking lot and into the road, I began to lose feeling in my fingers._

_Just then, I heard the horn of Eli's hearse honking. I looked behind me at the car. I could tell by the look of Eli's face that he was horrified I leaving. _Poor Eli_, I thought sarcastically. _Things are just so hard for him. Steady home life, good grades, caring parents._ I shot him a luck of disgust, while his horrified expression grew and his mouth opened. He started to point urgently to the location behind me. What is he doing? I wondered._

_When I turned my head to see what Eli was pointing at, I used my sight for the last time in my life. There right in front of me was a rusting, red truck zooming towards me. Inside the truck was a person. I could barely make out the face, but I knew for a fact it was a man. That man was the most severely atrocious excuse for a human being I have ever laid eyes on. That man was a man whom if I ever came face to face with again, I would make him pay. I have never hated anyone in my entire life-not even my step-mom-but I loathed this man. This man was the man who murdered me._

_Suddenly, I felt a wave of pain brush over my entire body and my stomach began to burn so hotly that Satan would boil. I screamed. Then, everything went black._

"So, I guess if you really want me to tell you why I deserve this, I will." Fitz stated. My mood picked up and my ears perked.

"Okay." I said.

"I used to be a good student. I wasn't exactly honor roll material, but I did the best I could. I got C's and mostly B's," He began. "But then my mom met her new boyfriend.

His name is Chris and she's still with him, but I have no fucking clue why. He's a lazy-ass prick who spends all my mom's money on beer but won't get a job for himself, so I let him know. Obviously he didn't like me and he didn't really try to keep that from me. He insulted me_ every single day_. He made me feel, like, _worthless_." Fitz said. I felt compassion for Fitz. I could surely relate.

"So then came my birthday," He started again. "My mom kept telling me that she was always telling him to get me a really good present 'cause of the way he treated me. She said that he might even be nice to me for my birthday." He gulped and paused for a second. "Do you want to know what he got me?"

"Yes."

"He didn't get me shit. He even called me a fag for being in a good mood.

So then I got pissed. And when I get pissed, I get drunk. So I took some of his beers, drank them, and took his red, beat-up truck out for a spin."

I froze. He took the keys to a red, beat-up truck?

_ ~'~_

_"Bringing a knife to a school dance doesn't make you a maniac, Mr. Fitzgerald. Using it does. But you didn't use it, did you?" Ms. Dawes said._

_"No," Fitz said through his teeth. "But I might as well have."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You don't know me. You don't know what I've done."_

~'~

_"I feel bad for him," Fitz said._

_"Why?"_

_"He has to live with the fact that he might have killed someone," Fitz said. "That must be the worst feeling in the world."_

~'~

"Then-" He attempted to finish his story, only to be cut off from his sobs. Tears slipped down his face.

My mind flashed back to the night of my death. The red truck zooming towards me. The man inside.

"Fitz," I began, nervously. "When is your birthday?"

He paused. "April 22."

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